December 22
Someone Has to Remember
The bills are paid and the appointment is kept, but only because someone reminded us three times. We did the thing, so it seems unfair when they remain tired. Perhaps they are carrying a part of the work we have not counted: remembering, anticipating, checking, and deciding when to ask again. From our side, we helped. From theirs, they had another person to manage.
Recovery gives us a chance to become a partner in responsibilities we once waited to be assigned. That will look different in every household or friendship. People have different capacities, and shared arrangements ought to respect them. The question is whether our arrangement is understood or simply assumed by the person doing less noticing. Taking responsibility may include learning what needs attention without requiring somebody else to supervise the learning forever. A completed task brings one kind of relief. Being able to stop worrying about it brings another.
What responsibility have I accepted in name while leaving someone else to keep track of it?
Remembering is part of the work too.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve, pp. 116, 119.