December 5
Who Receives the Fear
An unexpected expense arrives, and suddenly everyone seems careless. The lights have been left on. Somebody wants something. A harmless question sounds like one more demand. We may say very little about the money itself while making the people around us live inside our alarm. They know we are upset, but they may have no idea what has actually happened.
Fear deserves attention before it recruits a target. We can acknowledge that the expense worries us and discuss what needs to change without turning the conversation into a trial of everyone else's thoughtlessness. Some limits may be necessary. They will be easier to understand when they are stated clearly rather than enforced through irritation. Step Twelve brings our need for security into the same discussion as our relationships. As we work out the figures, our family still has to live with the manner in which we discuss them.
Who has been receiving the anger that belongs to a fear I have not named?
We are worried about money; we still owe each other courtesy.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve, pp. 115–116, 120–122.