August 14
What Would Be Useful?
Our offer sounds generous to us. We have thought of a solution, arranged the details, and are ready to act. The person we want to help seems hesitant. Perhaps they do not understand how much trouble we have taken. Or perhaps the solution fits our picture of their life better than it fits the life they actually have.
Asking what would be useful can disturb a satisfying plan. A ride at a different time, a shorter visit, or help understanding a letter might matter more than what we had in mind. Love becomes practical when it takes another person's circumstances seriously. We remain free to say what we can reasonably offer. They remain free to tell us what helps. An honest exchange gives both people a place in the decision, instead of requiring gratitude for assistance that misses the need.
What have I assumed about someone's needs without asking them?
Their answer belongs in the arrangement.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” pp. 90, 95–96.