July 21
When No Answer Comes
Some conversations leave us without a useful suggestion. The person is grieving, or facing a disappointment sobriety cannot undo. We want to provide something that makes the visit feel worthwhile. A slogan comes to mind, followed by an uneasy awareness that saying it would mainly relieve our discomfort. Sitting with a hurt we cannot remove can feel like failing to help.
There are moments when company is what we have to offer. We can acknowledge that we do not know what to say and remain interested in what the person is living through. This does not require endless availability or the pretense that listening solves everything. It gives an honest place to our limits. We have received companionship in rooms where nobody could repair our whole life. That kind of presence is still a real contribution when words run short.
What makes it hard for me to remain present when I have no answer?
The visit need not produce a solution to matter.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve.