July 18
Beyond the Job Title
The newcomer seems to have everything together. They speak clearly, arrive neatly dressed, and mention a responsible job. It is easy to assume they have people to call and fewer difficulties than the person whose trouble is more visible. We offer a pleasant greeting and direct our real attention elsewhere. Their appearance has quietly done our thinking for us.
Alcoholic loneliness does not always announce itself in a way we recognize. Someone may have spent years protecting a reputation while becoming increasingly frightened in private. We need not invent suffering that has not been disclosed, but we can stop using appearances to decide who deserves a genuine conversation. Asking how they found the meeting leaves room for an answer we could not have predicted. The person who looks least in need of help may be making their first attempt to ask for it.
Whose appearance makes me assume they already have the help they need?
A polished introduction may conceal a difficult beginning.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Tradition Five.