May 19
The Familiar Fault
We are especially irritated by the member who always wants recognition. They mention every commitment and seem to need applause for ordinary service. It is easy to diagnose their problem from across the room. Harder to notice how much we wish someone would recognize our own quiet, supposedly unselfish contribution to the group.
Another person's conduct does not have to be a mirror of ours. People can behave badly in ways we do not share. But occasionally the intensity of our reaction points toward something familiar that we have dressed more carefully. That discovery can soften contempt. We may still need to address a problem, yet we approach it with less certainty about our superior motives. The person who annoys us has inadvertently helped us tell the truth. We need not announce this insight to them or make them responsible for our growth.
Is there anything familiar beneath the behavior I find so irritating?
An honest look may make room for a little kindness.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “How It Works,” p. 67.