May 15
The Story Afterward
The conversation was unpleasant. Later, over coffee, we describe it to someone else. A little emphasis makes the story funnier. An imitation gets a laugh. By the third telling, the other person has become ridiculous and we have become remarkably patient. We feel better, although we may also be keeping the irritation alive.
Talking honestly with a sponsor can help us see an encounter clearly. Gathering an audience for our version serves a different purpose. It may recruit people into a resentment they did not have before. We can ask for support without turning someone into entertainment, and we can describe harmful behavior without adding a performance. A difficult interaction does not end when we leave the room; it continues in what we choose to carry into the next conversation. That is one place our own conduct remains available to us.
What am I hoping to receive when I retell this story?
Support need not require an audience against someone.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “How It Works,” pp. 66–67.