May 14
Before They Speak
Someone walks into the meeting and we already know we will be irritated. We remember the long shares, the interruptions, the opinions offered as facts. Before the person opens their mouth, we have prepared our response. It would take something extraordinary for them to surprise us now; we have stopped looking for anything else.
The difficult person may indeed remain difficult. Still, our certainty about them deserves a little attention. Once a label takes hold, every new encounter can become evidence for an old verdict. We may miss an ordinary kindness, a useful observation, or a struggle we would recognize in someone we liked. Tolerance might begin with allowing the present encounter to be new. We do not have to forget what happened before or lower necessary limits. We can simply leave a little room for a person to be more than our account of them.
What have I decided about someone before this encounter has begun?
There may still be something I have not seen.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 28, “Troublemakers Can Be Teachers.”