May 13
Letting Help In
We may hear about unhealthy dependence and decide that the safest answer is to need nobody. We will carry our own groceries, bear our own sorrow, and make certain no one feels burdened. This can look considerate. It can also leave the people who love us standing outside a door we insist is open.
The give-and-take of relationship asks something of the receiver too. Accepting a ride or admitting that an evening feels lonely allows another person to participate in our life. They remain free to say what they can offer. We remain responsible for our decisions. Dependence becomes troublesome when it demands ownership or makes another person answerable for our whole condition. Ordinary mutual help can be part of a freer life. Perhaps letting someone bring the groceries upstairs is less a surrender of dignity than a willingness to share the day.
Where might my refusal of help be keeping affection at a distance?
There is room to receive something freely given.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve, discussion of dependence and personal relationships.