May 9
A Different Evening
Two people can look forward to the same evening for different reasons. One imagines talking after a difficult day; the other imagines a little quiet. Neither wish is unreasonable. Yet a tired conversation can quickly turn into a contest over who has given more, who understands less, and whose needs always come last.
Common welfare becomes quite personal when there are only two people in the room. It asks whether both experiences can matter before either one wins. We may discover that our disappointment is real without making the other person's wish an offense. There may be a workable arrangement, or there may simply be an evening that does not go as hoped. Learning to give and take includes these small, unremarkable negotiations. Love gets some practice when we stay interested in a person whose needs are inconvenient to our plans.
Whose experience disappears when I explain what ought to happen?
Both of us have had a day.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve, discussion of give-and-take in relationships.