May 8
Asking Plainly
It can feel safer to say we do not need anything. Then we wait for someone to notice that we do. When they miss the hint, disappointment arrives with a ready explanation: if they really cared, we would not have to ask. The other person has failed a test they did not know they were taking.
An honest request leaves us more exposed. We have to admit that company would help, that we are frightened, or that we would like a little attention. We also have to hear the answer. Someone may care deeply and still be unable to come over tonight. Recovery need not make us ashamed of needing people. It can help us bring that need into the open, where an actual conversation becomes possible. There is more room for affection when neither person has to guess the rules.
What have I been hoping someone would know without being told?
A plain request may be kinder to both of us.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Twelve, discussion of personal relationships.