April 30
Whose Emergency
Someone we care about describes a difficulty, and our mind begins working before they finish. We know whom they should call and what they should say. By the time they pause, we have a plan. Their hesitation feels maddening. We were only having coffee a few minutes ago; now their willingness to follow our advice seems essential to our own peace of mind.
Concern can become urgent because another person's uncertainty is uncomfortable to witness. We want the problem settled partly so that we can stop feeling it. Remembering that possibility does not require withholding useful help. It gives us a chance to ask what they want from the conversation and what we actually know. They may need information, company, or practical assistance. Their need will be easier to recognize when our wish to take charge is no longer doing all the listening.
What part of my urgency belongs to the other person's situation, and what part belongs to me?
There is time to hear them finish.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 14, “Newcomer Problems”; Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” p. 91.