April 26
When the Relief Wears Off
The first hours after an honest amends may feel wonderful. We call our sponsor, breathe more easily, and wonder why we waited so long. A few days later, shame returns. The old scene is vivid again. We consider contacting the person once more, perhaps to explain how sorry we remain. Surely another conversation would help us feel as settled as we did before.
Before making that call, it may help to ask what was left undone. Sometimes there is more to repair. Sometimes we are asking the injured person to administer another dose of reassurance. They have already heard us and may be ready to think about something else. An unsettled feeling belongs in prayer or an honest conversation with someone who helps us examine it. Continuing restitution and changed conduct deserve attention; repeated apologies should not become a way of keeping someone employed in the management of our conscience.
What would another apology offer this person beyond a chance to reassure me?
They need not keep relieving the same guilt.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Nine, pp. 84–86.