April 25
The Friendship They Do Not Want
We are willing to admit what happened, but we also hope the conversation will bring someone back. We miss the friendship, the invitations, or the place we once had in their family. An amends seems to offer a way to ask for all of it without saying so directly. If they accept our apology but decline further contact, we may feel that nothing has been accomplished.
Repair and reunion do not always travel together. The other person might appreciate our honesty and still prefer the life they have built without us. That can hurt without making their decision wrong. With guidance, we can consider what remains ours to put right and respect what they have said about contact. Our willingness need not disappear because the relationship will not resume. God can hear the grief we did not know we had attached to this particular amends.
What am I hoping to regain through an amends that the other person is free to decline?
A sincere apology leaves them free to go.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action,” pp. 77–78; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Nine, p. 85.