April 23
The Answer We Had Rehearsed
In our imagination, the amends conversation ends well. We admit the wrong, the other person sees our sincerity, and something softens between us. Then the actual conversation arrives. They remain guarded, mention something we had forgotten, or say very little. We feel an urge to explain the program more clearly, as though their response means they have misunderstood what we came to do.
That urge is worth noticing before it becomes an argument. They are meeting us with their own memories, not the script we practiced with our sponsor. Our preparation helps us take responsibility; it does not prepare their answer for them. We can listen to an unwelcome response without abandoning the repair we intended. Later, there will be someone appropriate to hear our disappointment. The person we harmed need not reassure us that we have made a good beginning.
What response have I quietly included in my plan for making amends?
Their answer belongs in this conversation too.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Nine, pp. 84–85.