April 22
Without an Explanation
We search for a reason someone behaved as they did. Perhaps if we understood their childhood, their fear, or their unhappiness, forgiveness would follow. Understanding can indeed soften us. But sometimes the explanation never becomes clear, or the one offered seems too small for the harm. We are left wondering whether compassion is possible toward a person whose choices still make little sense to us.
We do not have to invent a sympathetic story to stop nourishing contempt. Their full circumstances may remain unknown. So may parts of our own motives. A modest recognition of that limit can leave some space for God. We can say that the action was wrong and admit that we do not understand the entire person who committed it. Forgiveness need not depend on finding an explanation that makes the injury reasonable. Some injuries will never seem reasonable, even as their hold on our attention lessens.
What could I release without first understanding why this happened?
Some questions will remain unanswered.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “How It Works,” pp. 66–67; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eight.