April 21
Telling It Again
There is a story we know how to tell so that nobody will doubt who was wrong. We include the exact words, the telling detail, and the part where we showed more restraint than they deserved. Each listener agrees. For a little while, vindication feels like relief. Then we find another occasion to tell it, because the agreement has not settled what we hoped it would settle.
Talking about a hurt can be necessary and helpful. The difference may show up in what we are seeking from the listener: understanding that helps us move, or another vote for a verdict already reached. A trusted person might care enough to ask what keeps bringing us back. That question need not deny the injury. It may help us notice how much of the present we are giving to a scene that cannot be changed by telling it more persuasively.
What am I hoping another telling of this story will finally give me?
There is more to this day than the old argument.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “How It Works,” pp. 66–67.