April 20
At a Safe Distance
The suggestion to forgive can trouble us when contact with a particular person has repeatedly caused harm. We imagine being asked to answer the phone, reopen the door, or trust promises that have not been kept. If forgiveness means resuming the old arrangement, resistance makes sense. We may have worked hard to establish a distance that finally allows ordinary life to continue.
A less hostile view of someone need not determine how close they belong to us. We can hope they receive help while recognizing what their conduct has made necessary. A sponsor or trusted adviser may help us sort the wish to punish from the need for protection. Neither should be guessed away with a slogan. Prayer for freedom from consuming resentment can take place without an audience and without renewed contact. The relationship may remain distant while our private life slowly becomes less occupied by it.
What would a quieter relationship to this resentment look like within the distance I need?
Compassion does not require another visit.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “How It Works,” pp. 66–67.