April 18
The Small Retaliation
We would never call it revenge. We merely leave a message unanswered, fail to mention useful information, or greet everyone warmly except one person. Nothing dramatic happens. We can explain each act as an oversight or a reasonable choice. Yet part of us is watching for the effect, hoping they feel a little of the discomfort we believe they caused us.
Resentment often survives in conduct too small to attract much notice. Seeing the wish to punish gives us something definite to bring to prayer and inventory. We may still need distance, and we need not pretend affection. We can, however, stop arranging small humiliations and calling them accidental. Courtesy offers a practical beginning when warmer feelings are beyond us. It lets us move through a shared room without turning every ordinary exchange into another opportunity to settle the account.
What small action reveals that I am still hoping to punish someone?
An ordinary courtesy is enough for this encounter.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten, pp. 91–93.