April 11
The Room Around Us
Two members have an argument after a business meeting. Each remembers what the other said and can explain why it was unfair. Meanwhile, a newcomer slips out, the person cleaning up works around the tension, and somebody decides not to raise another concern. The disagreement has affected more people than the two who consider themselves its principal participants.
Seeing harm clearly sometimes means widening the scene. Our conduct can alter the ease with which others participate, even when our complaint has merit. We need not accept responsibility for every feeling in the room to acknowledge the effects we can reasonably see. Common welfare asks us to remember people who never entered the argument. A quieter tone or an admission about our own behavior might matter to them, regardless of whether the original disagreement is settled. Their experience is part of the occasion too.
Who else is affected by a conflict I have been treating as private?
Other people were in the room.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eight; Tradition One.