April 10
Before the Apology
The thought of making amends can send us racing ahead. Before we have clearly named the harm, we are imagining the conversation, predicting the response, and explaining why it would never work. Perhaps the person will be angry. Perhaps they will tell somebody else. Their anticipated reaction becomes so vivid that we lose sight of the quieter question that brought us here: what did we do?
Willingness begins with letting that question have its own time. Acknowledging harm does not settle every issue about contact, timing, or restitution. Those matters deserve careful guidance when we reach them. For now, a name belongs on the list because our conduct affected a person, even if the way forward is unclear. We need not solve the entire amends before becoming honest about its necessity. God can help us face what happened without requiring a complete rehearsal of what comes next.
What harm becomes harder to acknowledge when I start predicting the amends?
First, there is a person to remember honestly.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eight, pp. 78–79.