March 19
Asking Without Groveling
For some of us, asking for help still feels like presenting evidence that we are inadequate. We prepare the request with apologies, explain why we should have managed alone, and promise we will not be a bother again. By the time the other person answers, we have nearly talked ourselves out of needing anything. Humility sounds unattractive when we picture it as a life spent embarrassed by ordinary dependence.
Step Seven places asking at the center of spiritual life. There is dignity in recognizing what our own effort has not accomplished and turning toward God. Human help can be received with the same plainness. We can make a clear request and allow a clear answer, without dramatizing our weakness or denying it. Needing help has become part of the truth about us. It need not be the whole truth, and it does not make us a burden by definition.
What would a plain request sound like without an apology for needing help?
A plain request gives the other person something to answer.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Seven.