March 18
Except in This Case
We are ready to be patient with almost everyone. Then a particular name comes up, and our whole argument changes. This person has used up their chances. They know exactly what they are doing. Surely patience is intended for people who have not behaved quite so badly. We can recite a spiritual principle with conviction while reserving the right to ignore it where it would ask the most of us.
The reservation is worth noticing without pretending the history is harmless. Patience may include distance, a clear refusal, or waiting before we answer. It need not grant someone another opportunity to hurt us. What we may be protecting is our permission to be cruel in return. Becoming willing to surrender that permission does not settle the relationship. It does allow us to consider our own conduct without making the other person's improvement a condition of ours.
Where have I made someone else's behavior an exception to my willingness?
The history can remain true without deciding my next word.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action,” p. 76; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Six.