March 17
Who Would I Be?
Perhaps sarcasm has always been our contribution to the room. People laugh, we feel quick and interesting, and anything tender stays safely out of reach. When we begin seeing the harm in some of our remarks, giving them up can feel bigger than changing a habit. We wonder what will be left of our personality. A defect we dislike may also be part of how we have learned to belong.
That uncertainty deserves more than a command to stop. We may need to discover what humor feels like when nobody has to absorb its sharp edge. There may be an uncomfortable interval when we speak less and feel less entertaining. Willingness leaves room for that interval. We can ask God to help us become useful without specifying which familiar defenses must remain intact. Our personality may have more room in it than the role we have been playing.
Which habit feels so familiar that I mistake it for who I am?
It is all right to be less entertaining for a while.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Six.