March 20
The Compliment
Someone thanks us for doing a good job, and we immediately explain why it was nothing. We point to the mistakes, mention who did more, or make a joke at our own expense. We may call this humility. Yet the other person offered a simple observation, and we have made them work surprisingly hard to have it heard. Accepting an accurate compliment can expose how uncomfortable we are with an accurate view of ourselves.
Honest self-knowledge includes what is sound and useful in us. Acknowledging a strength does not require forgetting who helped develop it or imagining that we possess it perfectly. We can be grateful that something we offered was of value. The contribution remains part of a shared life rather than becoming a claim to superiority. A simple thank-you may leave more room for the other person than a long argument about why their appreciation is misplaced.
What makes receiving appreciation harder than I expected?
Thank you is enough of an answer.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Five, pp. 58–59.