February 28
Taking All the Blame
After a disagreement, we announce that everything was our fault. The admission sounds thorough, even humble. But it may leave the actual events unexplored. We have made a sweeping judgment about ourselves without identifying a single thing we could understand, repair, or do differently. Everyone is left reassuring us instead of discussing what happened.
Step Four asks for a searching account, which includes resisting the temptation to exaggerate our wrongs. Specific honesty is often harder than total self-condemnation. We interrupted twice; we did not cause another adult's every decision. We made a promise carelessly; we are not responsible for every difficulty that followed. These distinctions do not reduce accountability. They make it possible to recognize a real obligation without disappearing beneath blame that belongs elsewhere. Help from God and another person may be especially important when being at fault has become our familiar way of explaining any strained relationship.
What specific responsibility is hidden inside my claim that everything is my fault?
I would like to understand what actually happened.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Four.