February 8
A Preference Is Allowed
Asked what we would like, we may answer that we only want God's will. The words sound right, yet they can conceal a wish we are embarrassed to name. We want the job, the invitation, the relationship, or the easier outcome. We fear that admitting the preference will prove how far we remain from surrender.
Honesty in prayer includes the things we hope for. We can bring a strong desire to God without making its fulfillment the condition of our trust. In fact, an unnamed preference may have more influence over our decisions because we are pretending it is absent. Saying what we want allows it to be considered alongside our obligations and the needs of others. We may discover that the wish is reasonable, or that we have asked it to carry too much. Either discovery begins with meeting ourselves where we actually are.
What desire have I hidden beneath language that sounds surrendered?
God already has the person who wants this.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eleven, p. 102.