January 10
My Words Are Mine
An argument may move so quickly that our reply feels inevitable. Someone speaks sharply, and we answer in kind. Later, explaining the exchange, we begin with what they said and give it most of the available time. Their behavior matters. It may explain our hurt. It cannot tell the whole story of what came out of our mouth.
Step One does not require us to declare ourselves powerless over every response. We may need help changing a familiar reaction, and we may fail again before it changes. Still, our part can become clearer when we stop waiting for the other person to admit theirs. An apology for our words need not endorse their conduct or reopen an unsafe conversation. It simply belongs to the territory in which we have something to do. God and another alcoholic can help us find a way to do it honestly.
What part of my response remains mine, even when I was provoked?
Those were my words, and I am sorry for them.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Three, pp. 40–41.