December 26
Leaving Out the Impressive Part
We are telling a newcomer what happened, and the story begins to improve in the telling. The worst confusion gets shortened. The insight arrives sooner. Our sponsor's patience receives less time than our own willingness. Nothing is exactly invented, but the person listening may hear a story about someone much better equipped for recovery than they feel themselves to be.
An honest account does not require displaying every painful detail. It does require remembering what might help this person recognize themselves. The Big Book's approach to working with another alcoholic begins with shared experience, not a demonstration of spiritual distinction. There is often more welcome in admitting how little we understood than in polishing the moment when we understood it. Our story is useful because help reached an ordinary, confused person. We do not have to edit that person out now that we are the one doing the talking.
Which part of my story am I smoothing over that might help someone feel less alone?
The uncertainty belongs in the story.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” pp. 91–92.