December 14
The Person Who Stayed
Looking back on a difficult time, we may remember very little of the advice people gave. We remember who answered, who brought something to eat, who could sit without needing us to become cheerful. Their company did not remove the difficulty. It changed the experience of carrying it. Perhaps we had imagined that useful help would always arrive with an answer.
This is something suffering may teach us without making suffering desirable. We learn the value of a presence that does not hurry, and later we may recognize a moment when we can offer it. There is no need to compare pain or announce that we understand exactly. Another person's loss is their own. The patience we once received can help us respect that difference. Our experience becomes useful when it makes us more available to the person before us, including the parts of their experience we have never had.
What did someone offer in a hard time that has changed my understanding of help?
We remember that somebody stayed.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eleven, pp. 103–105; Step Twelve.