December 11
No Lesson Yet
Someone tells us that a painful experience will make us stronger. They probably mean to offer hope. But we are still living through it, and the promise can feel like a request to stop hurting. We may begin searching for a spiritual lesson before we have had permission to acknowledge the loss. Finding a useful meaning starts to seem like another obligation we are failing.
Step Eleven leaves room for faith amid grief and suffering. That does not require us to explain the suffering while it is happening. Prayer may be no more articulate than asking for help to get through the evening. Companionship may matter more than interpretation. Later we might discover something we learned, or find ourselves able to sit with another person in similar pain. That possibility belongs to a future we need not force. The grief in front of us deserves patient company now.
What would I be able to say if I did not have to make this difficulty meaningful yet?
God, help us through this evening.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eleven, pp. 104–105.