December 1
Quietly Telling Everyone
We do something helpful without being asked. Later we find a way to mention it, casually, in three separate conversations. There is usually a reasonable explanation for each mention. Only when we hear ourselves again do we suspect that our supposedly anonymous kindness has acquired a small publicity department. We wanted to give, and we wanted people to know what sort of person gives.
Discovering a mixed motive need not turn a good act into evidence against us. The help was real. So was the appetite for approval. An honest inventory lets both facts stand without requiring a harsher verdict. We can become curious about why being seen as generous feels so necessary, and whether some of that need can be entrusted to God. There may be pleasure available in letting a useful act remain finished instead of repeatedly bringing it back for another reward.
What am I hoping people will confirm when I mention my helpfulness again?
The story does not always need another telling.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten, pp. 94–95; Tradition Twelve.