November 20
An Apology at the Table
A trusted servant can prepare carefully, make a useful proposal, and still speak sharply to someone who questions it. Afterward, the temptation is to defend the proposal again. The figures were right. The deadline was real. None of that quite reaches the person who was embarrassed in front of the group. Being right about the work has left another part of the evening unattended.
An apology need not withdraw a sound recommendation. It can simply acknowledge the way we treated somebody while making it. That distinction gives us room to carry responsibility without using responsibility as a hiding place. Our personal inventory serves the group when it helps us repair an injury before it hardens into opposing camps. People may find it easier to consider our reasoning once they no longer have to defend themselves against our manner. The work and the relationship both deserve care.
What part of a disagreement could I repair without abandoning an honest conviction?
We can own the sharpness of our voice.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten, pp. 91, 93.