October 27
Hearing the Actual Objection
We listen to an objection and immediately think of three replies. While the other person continues, we arrange them in the order most likely to persuade. By the time they stop, we are ready. We may be less ready to explain what they were actually worried about, especially the part they found hardest to put into words.
There is a difference between recognizing an opposing position and understanding the experience behind it. A person who fears a change may have lived through a similar change badly handled. Someone asking for more discussion may know whose needs have been missed. Learning that background does not oblige us to adopt their conclusion. It makes our response more likely to reach the actual concern. Concept Five invites a serious hearing, and seriousness sometimes begins with an unanswered question. We might discover that the argument we prepared addresses a point the person never made.
What do I still not understand about the concern I am ready to answer?
I do not yet know why this matters so much to them.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Concepts for World Service, Concept V.