September 19
Leaving a Pause
A newcomer finishes speaking, and we recognize the problem. We have a passage, a suggestion, and a story ready to go. All three may be useful. But the person takes another breath, as though there is something more to say.
Listening asks us to tolerate a little uncertainty. We may discover that the trouble we recognized was only the beginning, or that the words we were preparing would have answered a question nobody asked. There is room in carrying the message for clear suggestions and honest warnings. There is also room to let another alcoholic finish a thought. We do not lose our experience by waiting to share it. Sometimes we hear enough in that pause to understand how our experience could actually help.
What happens in me while someone else searches for words?
There may be more to hear.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” pp. 94–95.