September 17
Advice Without a Debt
Someone asks what we think, and we tell them. Then they do something else. It can be surprising how quickly our concern turns into irritation. We gave our time, shared our experience, perhaps prayed about the conversation. Somewhere along the way, we began expecting obedience as the receipt.
Working with another alcoholic asks something more generous of us. We can speak plainly about what helped us and why we believe it matters. The other person still has a decision to make. Their freedom does not make our experience worthless, and their refusal does not necessarily mean we explained it badly. Sometimes the uncomfortable part of helping is discovering that we have offered everything we can offer. We may have to leave a conversation unfinished without turning it into an argument.
What happens to my goodwill when my advice is not taken?
The conversation can end with kindness, even when it ends without agreement.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” pp. 94–95.