August 25
Keeping the Peace
Everybody seems pleased with the proposal, and we see a difficulty nobody has mentioned. Perhaps it is minor. Perhaps bringing it up will lengthen a meeting that has already run late. We decide to stay quiet, telling ourselves that unity matters more than our opinion. On the way home, we begin explaining to someone else exactly why the plan will fail.
There is a difference between releasing a preference and withholding information the group needs. Silence may preserve a pleasant moment while leaving others less able to decide responsibly. We do not have to deliver every concern as a warning of catastrophe. A simple question can put the matter where it belongs, before the people making the decision. Speaking respectfully gives the group a chance to consider what we know; talking afterward only to allies leaves our resentment better informed than our conscience together.
What concern have I kept out of the room while discussing it everywhere else?
An honest question belongs at the table.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Traditions One and Two.