July 5
No Account to Settle
Someone says we saved their life. It is moving to hear, and perhaps a little uncomfortable. We remember answering the phone or sharing what helped us, but we also know how many people and circumstances were involved. There is a temptation to accept a larger place in the story than we actually occupied, especially when being needed feels good.
The Big Book asks us to make clear that a person we help is under no obligation to us. Gratitude can be received warmly without becoming a claim. We do not acquire their future agreement, availability, or loyalty because we were present at a desperate time. Remembering our own need for Twelfth Step work helps keep the relationship honest. We were giving something, and we were receiving something too. A thank-you need not be refused or corrected harshly. It can simply remain a thank-you between two alcoholics whose lives have touched.
What expectations might I quietly attach to someone else's gratitude?
Their thanks do not create a debt.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” p. 94.