June 24
Safe Enough to Disagree
We say that everyone is welcome to disagree, but a member who does gets teased afterward. Nothing openly cruel: a nickname, a joke about always holding things up, an eye roll when they speak again. We may call this ordinary group humor. The next person with a concern is watching, and may decide to keep it private.
Concept V's protection of appeal includes freedom from fear of reprisal. That concern reaches beyond official penalties. A group can discourage disagreement through the small social costs it attaches to being inconvenient. We do not need a humorless meeting, and persistent disruption may require attention. Yet an honest minority view deserves a hearing without making its holder the evening's entertainment. Our conduct after a disagreement helps determine what the group will hear next time. If we want informed decisions, the people who see things differently must still feel that they belong among us.
What does our treatment of a dissenting member teach the next person who has a concern?
They still belong at the coffee table.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Concepts for World Service, Concept V.