June 22
After the Honest Answer
A friend tells us something difficult about ourselves. We thank them for being honest. Afterward we stop calling quite so often. We remain polite, but the friendship becomes a little thinner. No argument took place. Still, the friend may learn that honesty costs closeness, and next time may choose words that leave us more comfortable.
The people who help us see clearly need more than permission to speak. What follows their candor tells them whether that permission was real. We are allowed time to consider what we heard, and we need not accept every judgment. A friend can be mistaken or overstep. But withdrawing affection merely because an observation stung protects us from a kind of help we may genuinely need. Continuing the relationship while sorting out the comment gives both people something sturdier than agreement. It allows an uncomfortable conversation to remain part of a friendship rather than its quiet ending.
How do I treat people in the days after they tell me an unwelcome truth?
An awkward conversation need not be our last honest one.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten, discussion of review with a sponsor or spiritual adviser.