June 14
Listening With a Mind of Our Own
We listen carefully to someone we respect and still disagree. There may be an uneasy feeling that we have failed at open-mindedness. If we were truly receptive, surely we would have been persuaded. We may begin agreeing outwardly simply to prove that we are capable of taking direction, while the actual concern remains unspoken.
A willing hearing does not guarantee agreement. It gives another view a fair opportunity to affect our thinking. We can understand the reasons, acknowledge their weight, and reach a different conclusion. That conclusion should remain answerable to facts and experience, just as theirs should. Pretending agreement deprives both people of an honest exchange. We are still responsible for what we decide and do. Prayer and counsel help us exercise that responsibility; they do not relieve us of it. Respect sometimes appears in the care with which we explain an unresolved difference.
What would show that I have listened honestly, even if my conclusion remains different?
My answer need not hide the remaining question.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Concepts for World Service, Concepts III and V.