May 26
What Was I Asked
A friend asks how we handled a difficult decision. We explain what happened, then begin advising them about theirs. Before long, we are recommending a course, warning against alternatives, and wondering whether they are taking us seriously. They had asked for our experience. Somewhere in our helpful answer, we appointed ourselves to a larger job.
Restraint includes noticing the size of the invitation. Someone may want information while keeping the decision entirely in their own hands. Another person may welcome a frank opinion. We do not always know unless we ask. Respecting that distinction lets our experience remain a gift instead of becoming an unexpected consultation. It also relieves us of a responsibility we were never given. There is something freeing about telling the truth of what we know and allowing it to become one part of another person’s consideration.
Have I been invited to share experience, give advice, or make this decision?
The invitation is worth understanding before I enlarge it.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten, discussion of restraint.