May 25
The Answer We Prefer
We ask someone for advice, and the answer is disappointing. Another person might understand better, so we ask again. There are good reasons to seek more than one view, especially on a complicated matter. But after several conversations, we may notice that only the advice agreeing with our original preference seems wise enough to remember.
Consultation loses much of its value when every answer is being auditioned for a part already written. We can want something strongly and still seek honest guidance about it. That begins with admitting the preference instead of hiding it beneath a neutral question. A trusted person may help us see what the wish costs, whom it affects, or what fear surrounds it. They may even support the idea. The useful difference is our willingness to hear something that could change the decision, rather than merely supply a respected name behind it.
Which answer have I been quietly disqualifying because I do not like it?
Disappointment may be part of an honest conversation.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eleven, discussion of wishful thinking and guidance.