May 4
A Sponsor, Not Permission
A member calls before making an ordinary decision and asks what we will allow. At first, the deference may feel flattering. They trust us. They are willing to listen. But if every decision requires our approval, something is being asked of sponsorship that neither person may have intended. We are becoming responsible for choices that the other person must eventually live with.
We can help them consider motives, consequences, and what the Steps suggest without making ourselves the final authority. Some clear guidance about recovery may be exactly what they need. That does not mean every question about their life has an answer we are entitled to give. Asking what they think, what they fear, and where they have sought guidance can return the conversation to shared examination. We are helping another alcoholic develop a life with God and other people, a life that cannot depend on our being available to approve it.
How might my way of helping encourage someone to trust their growing judgment?
We have something to offer without the final say.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 14, “Newcomer Problems”; Alcoholics Anonymous, “Working With Others,” pp. 94–95.