April 16
Waiting for the Right Words
We know exactly what the apology should sound like. The other person should name the wrong, understand its consequences, and show that they have finally grasped what we endured. We rehearse the speech for them privately. Meanwhile, each inadequate conversation becomes fresh evidence that they do not understand, and the life we hope to resume stays attached to a sentence they may never say.
Wanting acknowledgment is understandable. Some harms deserve much more than a few words. Yet we can ask God for help with the part of our peace that has become dependent on receiving a particular response. That prayer need not declare the wrong acceptable or the relationship repaired. It might simply express weariness with waiting for another person to become capable of the understanding we want. Forgiveness may begin as a willingness to discover what life could contain while that acknowledgment remains absent.
What have I put on hold until someone apologizes in the way I need?
God, help me live in the meantime.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eight, pp. 78–82.