April 13
Meant Kindly
We make a decision for someone because we are certain it will help. We speak to a friend on their behalf, rearrange something without asking, or offer personal information so others will understand. When the person objects, we reach immediately for our good intention. We were trying to be kind. Their displeasure seems ungrateful until we consider how little choice they had in receiving our kindness.
Good intentions belong in an honest account, alongside the effect of what we did. They explain something about us; they do not fully describe the other person's experience. We may have embarrassed them or taken away a decision they wanted to make themselves. Hearing that does not turn every generous impulse into a mistake. It helps generosity become more attentive. There is often a simple question we could have asked before acting, and recognizing that omission may teach us more than defending our motive.
Where have I used a kind intention to avoid hearing an unwanted effect?
Their objection deserves a hearing.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Eight, pp. 80–82.