March 31
Beyond Keeping Score
We can become very diligent at measuring our spiritual condition. We count resentments, judge the quality of our prayers, and wonder whether we were sufficiently unselfish in every conversation. The attention seems responsible. Yet the people in those conversations can gradually disappear from view. We remember whether we performed well more clearly than we remember what someone was trying to tell us.
The point of examining ourselves includes becoming more available to life beyond ourselves. If reflection leaves us absorbed in a running grade, something useful may have become cramped. We can notice a mistake, seek guidance, and return our attention to the person affected. Ideals like love and service invite participation. They have room for imperfect people who are interested in other people. Perhaps growth will sometimes show itself as an afternoon in which we think less about our progress because we are actually present.
When does attention to my growth leave too little attention for the people around me?
There is a life outside the scorekeeping.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 15, “Eternal Values”; Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Ten.