March 30
Here It Is Again
We thought we had dealt with envy. Then a friend's good news lands badly, and we feel the old comparison before we can offer congratulations. Disappointment in ourselves arrives almost as quickly. After all the meetings, prayer, and honest conversations, surely we should be beyond this. We begin questioning our entire recovery over a feeling we would rather never have felt again.
An old difficulty returning does not tell us everything about the work already done. It tells us what is present now. We may understand the feeling better than we once did and have more choices about feeding it. Perhaps we can congratulate our friend sincerely while admitting our envy privately to God. That divided moment is uncomfortable, but it contains a possibility our old certainty would miss. We are still learning how to live with feelings that need not direct our behavior.
What choices are available now that were harder to see before?
My friend still deserves sincere congratulations.
For the A.A. nerds: As Bill Sees It, No. 6, “All or Nothing?”