March 11
After the Conversation
We may expect a Fifth Step to leave us unmistakably different. Some people describe deep relief; others walk out tired, quiet, or uncertain what has changed. Hearing a glowing account can make us wonder whether we did ours correctly. We begin inspecting our feelings for evidence, as though honesty must produce a recognizable sensation before we are allowed to trust that something worthwhile happened.
The Big Book makes room for quiet reflection after the telling. We can consider whether we were thorough and whether anything remains withheld, without demanding somebody else's emotional experience. Relief may arrive gently. Responsibility may become clearer before peace does. An honest admission still matters on a day when our nerves have not caught up with our willingness. God need not announce His presence in the manner we expected, and we need not manufacture a feeling to match another member's story.
What expectation might keep me from recognizing the value of my own honest beginning?
Nothing needs to be manufactured afterward.
For the A.A. nerds: Alcoholics Anonymous, “Into Action,” pp. 75–76.