March 8
Choosing the Listener
Honesty can sound like a demand to make every private matter public. Someone shares freely at a meeting, and we wonder whether our quieter manner means we are hiding. But a roomful of people and a carefully chosen confidant offer different kinds of conversation. There are things we may need to say completely that do not belong in a general discussion, especially when other people's lives are involved.
The care we take in choosing a listener can serve honesty. Experience, discretion, and trust give a difficult admission somewhere to land. We need not surrender our judgment to prove our willingness. At the same time, the search for the perfect listener can become an endlessly postponed beginning. A trustworthy person will be human, with limits of their own. We are looking for enough confidence to speak plainly, not a guarantee that no moment will feel uncomfortable.
What qualities help me trust someone with a difficult truth?
One trustworthy listener is enough to begin.
For the A.A. nerds: Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, Step Five, pp. 60–61.